Jumping the Shark with Stalin

Jumping the line. Photo by Doug Mills/Getty Well huh. The GOP has now tilted so beyond our earthly sphere they’ve turned to intrepid Dumbest Guy in Congress Louie…

Jumping the line. Photo by Doug Mills/Getty

Well huh. The GOP has now tilted so beyond our earthly sphere they’ve turned to intrepid Dumbest Guy in Congress Louie Gohmert to lead a small band of brave GOP rebels in yet another effort to overturn the election because they don’t like how it turned out and Reality Bites. In the latest flying-by-the-desperate-seat-of-their-pants scheme, Texas’ Gohmert and 11 eminent Arizona plaintiffs – head of Students for Trump, Second Vice-Chair of Maricopa County Republicans etc – are suing Vice-President Mike Pence, asking Trump-appointed judge Jeremy Kernodle to declare Pence has “the exclusive authority and sole discretion” to decide which electoral votes from a given state should be counted under the arcane-until-right-now 1887 Electoral Count Act; under this scenario, when Pence appears on Jan. 6 to formally certify Biden’s Electoral College win, he will throw out the already-cast electoral college votes in swing states and appoint his own slate of pro-Trump electors so we can suffer through four more years of unspeakable carnage. The idea was eagerly taken up by right-wing pollsters Rasmussen, who quoted – checks notes – democratic icon Joseph Stalin on the subject: “Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.” Legal scholars and other functioning adults swiftly dismissed the notion one guy can suddenly come in Jan. 6 and decide who’s president as hopelessly far-fetched, as in, “This is insane,” “They are lunatics, “This is NUTS,” and, in one final, rude twist of reason, “When you’re down to Goober Gohmert, you’re out of ammo.”

Another problem with the plan: As COVID rages with no end in sight, having killed 1 in 1,000 Americans and infected 1 in 17, Pence, the alleged head of Trump’s “Coronavirus Task Force,” is quietly hiding, aka on a two-week ski vacation, hitting the rich slopes of Vail CO in defiance of CDC guidelines and accompanied by an entourage of up to 50 Secret Service agents who’ve all booked rooms at rates starting at $730 a night and soaring to $1,200, and yes that’s our money, and don’t forget the $1,000 a day for ski instructors. Since his arrival, Pence has been blasted online by State Sen. Kerry Donovan: She’s reminded him he’s in a mandatory mask zone and that, thanks to his failures in leadership, their food bank is serving four times more people, their crisis centers calls are up 48%, and “we just lost our 11th neighbor to death by suicide.” She’s not the only one pissed, especially given that last month he vacationed in Florida, he just got the vaccine as frontline workers haven’t, and he perpetually touts his Christian faith – “What would Jesus do? Not go skiing”-  even as millions of little people get sick, await vaccines, die solitary ungodly deaths, face eviction, stand in food lines, labor overtime in hospitals, home-school their kids, juggle rent and meds, live in terror of white domestic terroristm by RV bomb and otherwise stagger through the rubble. But hey, have a good day on the slopes like your murderous lord and master on the links. The Lincoln Project on these two soulless losers: “The end is coming.” Damn straight, says an impatient America:  “Trump and Pence. Golfing and skiing. Fuckers.”


This post was originally published on Radio Free.

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