Photo by Rob LaVeck

The commercial background music for the MSNBC coverage of Election Day 2024 comes swelling in, orchestral and important, with a hint of celebration. Yet one more example of why we can’t trust the mainstream media, as everyone knows the only appropriate advertising background noise for the election should be shrieking, punctuated with clown car honking and maybe the theme song from Benny Hill. They are giving gravitas to the fatuous and deference to the treacherous and this is why I have never won a rap battle anywhere other than in my own head. But enough of that, we have Civil War party favors to buy at Party City (except they went bankrupt, so I guess it’s a hard candy Civil War).

This absolutely will get weird. Hunter S Thompson is watching from space trying to come up with a descriptor beyond pro. This is a whole new level of weird, something to only be measured in roentgens or currency from Proxima Centauri, which is well known to be in a state of hyper-inflationary excess. You’ve seen the photos of those cute little green guys pushing grocery carts full of the stuff to just buy one anal probe.

I went to vote early because I am a god-damn good citizen. I was pleased that there weren’t any MAGA vote ogres at the door, this was a happy surprise, but I was mentally geared up for them and truthfully would have enjoyed a limited stakes fight. No, it was on Halloween, and instead my paper ballot was handed to me by a rotund and somewhat dour Fred Flintstone, and I felt good about that. This is America: the bald eagles soured in my mind along with Jesus riding a pterodactyl into the sunset.

In my state, it’s a foregone conclusion that it will go “RED” but not in a sexy, 80’s Soviet spy movie way. No, this is certainly MAGA country, and this is the way of the place until a populist who can channel their rage comes forward and gains their animalistic trust. I’m thinking someone who will rail about welfare recipients, but secretly fund the Medicaid in rural critical access hospitals. The townsfolk with tiki-torch burns will have an ER they can go to, but still feel better than some nebulous “other”.

I’m going to discuss something really unsettling to those on the left. Of course, there’s been massive haranguing from the neoliberals that one must never vote third party because, as has been the case in all of the recent elections, Democracy® is at stake. Of course, Project Runway 2025 is terrible, bad makeup, outfits, and a lot of it seems to be written by the same think tankers who gave us Obama Care instead of universal coverage. It’s not just an invention of the theocratic right, though of course it’s got a huge dose of that. No, there are all sorts of dystopian berries baked in this pie. The threat that lets you keep sliding right, even if you vote for the “left”. If the Democrats win, thankfully this Project 2025 doesn’t get fully implemented, but just for a treat they might give you about 30% of what it espouses. This is how the slide right keeps happening. And the only winners are Globo-Chem (remember Mr. Show—”We Own Everything So You Don’t Have To”) and of course all those billionaire weirdos, building bunkers and impregnating.

Of course, there does seem to be a chance that if the Republicans win the presidency, they might not ever leave. What a choice with the two large parties: a possible theocratic-ish Peter Thiel backed monarchy situation that probably won’t go away ever or a corporate party that sucks massively, has been in charge of arming and funding a current genocide, but will probably leave after 4 years? It’s a pretty dismal choice, but I will admit if I was in a state truly in play, it could be a bit of a decision if one wanted to do a protest-third party vote or go for that remote chance that things will suck 14.2% less if the Democrats win.

Thankfully, I could vote third party and not feel the shame of voting for Harris in this state. To feel compelled to co-sign the genocide because they might leave in four years and might not put tracking devices on fertile women’s uteri…… dear god, this is awful. It’s a rigged and sorry game, of course. But as the always used and definitely true if you are pregnant, and not wanting to be pregnant, it will probably matter quite a bit which party wins. But voting for the Democrats is to give tacit approval for what will definitely go down in the history books as one of the most shameful episodes in history. Hell, this makes it become the trolley problem just to take a vote if you feel strongly against a genocide (how sad that we don’t all feel this way).

I am not trying to diminish the real malice from the Republicans, but they keep using this threat and all it does is lurch us to the right. I don’t pretend to have the answers, and yes, maybe voting for Democrats is a stop-gap, harm reduction technique that makes sense in swing states. Unlike the vast majority of neoliberals so busy judging the left but not their own party, I won’t judge their choice if they do vote for Harris. I very much get the rationale behind it. I do remind myself Obama had a pretty nifty mandate and even a super majority at first, however. What did he do with that? Well, he pretty much took a shit on you if you wanted this nation to make some progressive changes. The abortion boogeyman they use for fundraising would likely not even be an issue should there have been an effort to codify Roe vs. Wade. Obama managed to move the nation even more to the right but did it while seeming reasonable. It’s the talent of the Clintons and of Obama to be able to make palatable policies that liberals rage about when done by a Republican but seem to cherish when done by a Democrat. You simply have to look at the recent slavish devotion to people like the Cheneys being exhibited by the Democrats. This is not healthy. If not Stockholm Syndrome, it’s at least in a Stockholm suburb.

What I will judge however, is if those voting for Harris do not oppose policy that they would have been absolutely rabid about if Trump was the source. They should read an article and replace the Harris name with Trump and truly feel what visceral reaction they have to it. Sadly, we just haven’t seen this introspective behavior play out. The Democratic party uses their influence like a Jedi mind trick. “These are not the progressive parties you’re looking for.” Similar to Trump, and I’d say even worse covid policies under Biden were largely ignored by the Democratic voters. These individuals don’t seem to care about a stark militaristic fetish for cop cities or have issues with building walls and anti-immigrant rhetoric if it comes from the Harris camp. Yes, one side is completely batshit, but that doesn’t mean you should tolerate even a small portion of guano in your breakfast from the other side. Again, this is how we continue to slide right. One can vote for Harris, but there’s not a rule in place you can’t keep your wits about you and recognize fascism even on your team. That’s what makes you a sentient being as opposed to a cult member.

The Democrats are certainly about superficial advertising, saying that they are the reasonable choice, but all without any truly progressive or left-leaning policies. The fact that neither party even slightly opposes a genocide the rest of the world is horrified by is truly terrifying.

Between the Democrats and the Republicans, I’d say it’s not enough to simply avoid being a Berserker, but that seems to be the Democrat’s niche. Sure, I won’t try to shunt spending away from the military towards infrastructure—not a dime for worker or tenant rights, but at least I’m not eating the hearts of my enemies and pissing on nuns. What are you a purist?

I was watching that marvelous show “What We Do in the Shadows” because I am a scholar if nothing else, and I was marveling at Nandor’s Richard Nixon impersonation. By the way, that Nandor is a national treasure and I would defend him to the death if needed, but back to the topic. It made me think how I would gladly vote for Richard Nixon over these clowns we have right now. It’s that bad. When you think, hey, I believe Richard Nixon would do a better job than Trump and Harris, it’s a sad commentary on 2024 America.

But that said, it felt clean to vote my conscience. In my state I had to write in my third-party choice because Democracy® didn’t want my choice on the ballot. So I happily wrote her in and didn’t have to feel massive disgust for myself. But really what was that all about? I can get a sense of smarmy self-satisfaction because I know it’s nothing more than a protest vote here in this state. Even so, it felt a lot better than a vote for something I viscerally loathe and really can’t abide. I’m not good with bombing and starving children– I know, I know, I’ll never be neoliberal or MAGA material. I will just have to live out my life as an old lady who wins rap battles on the side. That’s not true; I know I won’t win. I guess I just want to stay human in this current episode of What the Hell is Going on In This World? Fascists and flooding, genocide, racial and misogynistic backsliding……manipulation and propaganda so effective that Edward Bernays would shudder with delight and take a smoke. It’s not good. It’s at least 57,000 roentgens (or 34,900 Proxima Centauri credits) bad if you need a unit of measure that is not Metric.

True change won’t happen until both of these parties are in the dustbins of Party City.

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