It’s movie week at Strictly Come Dancing!
We start with a very dramatic intro teasing a huge star of stage and screen as the guest judge and mentor this week, which would be exciting if they hadn’t told us weeks ago it was Cynthia Erivo. It’s a very X Factor intro right down to the graphics – and to be honest, much like the first few weeks, it’s a sign of how odd feeling and lacking the whole episode is. Usually, there’d be star padels and a giant movie sign, but there’s none of that.
The pro routine is Wicked movie-themed in Cynthia’s honour, which is why, for some reason, every single one of them is Elphaba and Fiyero – except none of the women are green. This seems like a ridiculous choice when there are so many characters to choose from, one of which pro dancer Karen literally played in the film. It’s also an odd choice to do a song from the second half of Wicked, when the second movie isn’t out yet. As usual, though, this is half a musicals week masquerading as a movie week – but it just seems so much more drab than usual.
When Cynthia is introduced, there are shrieking fangirls, and suddenly why she’s here makes sense. We find out Cynthia isn’t scoring, almost like she’s only there to draw the Wicked fans into watching Strictly. It also means the judges’ table parts last even fucking longer.
Strictly: the dances
Stefan and Dianne – Not dancing
The Aussies aren’t dancing this week as Stefan has a mystery illness. What’s weird is that this same illness that has spread through the cast and nobody’s really talking about, hmmm, funny that isn’t it?
Amber and Nikita dancing the American smooth
Kicking off the Strictly movie week that’s actually half a musicals week, they’re dancing to a song from The Sound of Music. Its a very good dance with a lot of stunts including prancing off benches and, for some reason, a bike, but its bloody Amber of course it is. They score 35, and IT IS TOO EARLY FOR THREE NINES.
Chris and Nadiya dancing the paso doble
This man remains personality-less despite this time being dressed as Thor. It’s got bottom two written all over it. They score 22, which tbh is overmarked.
George and Alexis dancing their couple’s choice
There’s been an uproar online about this one because they’re dancing their couple’s choice to a song from K Pop Demon Hunters that doesn’t mean anything to him. This is because, in recent years the couple’s choice has become about telling a sob story when really it’s the “choice” between dance styles. He hasn’t been “robbed” of a moment, cos it’s just a silly dance show. They score 31.
La Voix and Aljaz dancing the waltz
Alijaz comes to training as a pigeon as La Voix says this is a serious dance, though it is to Feed the Birds from Mary Poppins. La Voix speaks about how hard it is to show people the real them without comedy and it’s weird seeing a romantic dance whilst she’d dressed as the bird woman, but it’s very good. Though it’s a musical, isn’t it? They score 28.
Ross and Jowita dancing the paso doble
This is the classic Strictly movie week batshit that we came for. Weird costumes, bad dancing with a very stretched theme, and dance style to the bloody Thunderbirds theme tune. This is what Strictly is all about. Ross said he’d rather have passed a kidney stone than done a paso doble and shouts IT’S A PUPPET a la Brian Conley, unreal scenes. They score 19, which is their highest score.
Balvinder and Julian dancing the foxtrot
They dance a lovely foxtrot in the style of Fred and Ginger, though she’s a bit unsure. If we weren’t giving some people fucking nines and tens in week three, this would’ve scored quite highly on the leaderboard. Shirley gives her feedback about her footwork, and when the audience protests, she tells them off that nobody will learn if the judges are all “mushy cushy”, which is true, but also exactly what she does with the male celebs who can even slightly dance compared to women. They score 26.
Karen and Carlos dancing the cha cha cha
Their Strictly movie is Miss Congeniality, and because the dance is about learning to be ladylike, they go for etiquette lessons from some Tory. The dance features the second weird pre-recorded quick change of the series and it’s an okay dance, still quite stiff, but one we should expect from week three. They score 25.
Jimmy and Lauren dancing the rumba
They’re dancing to a song from one of the James Bonds, so he’s gone all unsettlingly sexy again. The rumba is known as the “hard dance for men” cos that’s what everyone always says when a man does shit at it, but this was a very good rumba. They score 28, which again would’ve been high on the leaderboard if we were giving normal scores.
Vicky and Kai dancing a Charleston
Kai’s in a very nice pink waistcoat and trousers with a shirt, and I am not mad. It’s a bit hesitant, and you can see the cogs turning a bit, but it’s not as bad as the judges, who told Kai to push her last week, make out. She tells Kai he’s “dripping like an egg sandwich” and well, quite. They score 25 and three sevens, and she mounts Kai like she just scored 40.
Ellie and Vito dancing the samba
Ellie’s mum brings in the Barbie Ellie helped to design with Down’s Syndrome, which is lush. Ellie’s definitely improving, but again, not enough for three judges to be on their feet. It’s a shame to see Cynthia taking part in the patronising too, everyone also massively overreacts to Craig giving basic criticism, whilst Ellie is actually listening. They score 27.
Alex and Johannes dancing the quickstep
To hammer home that this is definitely movie week and not musicals week, they go to the musical of The Devil Wears Prada. This is possibly my fave costume and character of the night, as there’s just something about Alex in that little wig. It’s a good dance, and she also stays in character during the judging, which is gloriously batshit. They score 30.
Harry (Nitro) and Karen dancing the salsa
Harry’s topless, so that’s all that matters, isn’t it? They’ve also done an absolutely criminal job of making Karen’s leggings match her skin tone. The singers have made I Always Wanted a Brother from Mufasa weirdly, horrifically British. Shirley talks almost solely about how hot he is, and I don’t disagree. They score 32 and actually deserve that high a score.
Lewis and Katya dancing the paso
They’re dancing to a song from The Mask of Zorro, so go fencing because of course they do. It’s an okay dance, but a reminder that Lewis is a trained dancer just like Amber, yet receives none of the same hate. It just still lacks any emotional connection for me. Everyone gushes over it, which he really doesn’t deserve. He scores 37 which is an absolutely ridiculous score for week three.
Before the show ends we find out Shirley is the judge with the deciding vote, so it’s the same as usual?
Results show
The group number is to Minecraft because, of course, it fucking is – and it’s as batshit as you’d expect; excellent movie week chaos. This is how they should be doing the TikTok cringe and staying faithful to the campness of Strictly – I wish we’d had this level of ridiculous on the main show.
I’m still not a fan of this format change, which definitely feels like it’s a 45-minute show designed to fit into an American 60-minute slot. In the Clauditorium among other things the male celebs reveal they’re channelling Johannes and George reveals the good George Clarke has become the other George Clarke, which is just untrue.
Again the crap format changes mean four people are left until last, meaning although not in the dance off Vicky and Karen are left shitting themselves on stage. In the dance off, we have Ross and, upsettingly, because she was so undermarked, Balvinder. It does mean we get to see both of their fantastic (for very different reasons) dances. Thankfully, the judges see sense and vote Ross out. Farewell, trolley Nana.
Strictly Come Dancing: trying too hard to be cool
Honestly, as much as this is one of my favourite shows, it’s felt like a chore to get through this series of Strictly. The BBC making each show 700 hours long doesn’t help, but for me, I think the issue is they’ve gained a lot of young fans over the last few years and they’re trying desperately to keep them. This is obvious with how much they’re doing too much on TikTok and Instagram. It feels very forced and takes itself far too seriously, so that the cheesy moments we’ve come to love feel cringe.
It just felt like a dud of Movie week with trying too hard for viral moments and not enough of the camp and silly Strictly is known for.
Featured image via the Canary
This post was originally published on Canary.