And we’re back for another week of Strictly Come Dancing! Since La Voix had to leave last week, all those scores will be carried over. There’s also a brand new challenge this week, instant dance, which sounds absolutely batshit. Next week is the quarter final, so who will get through to Musicals week? Only one way to find out…
Strictly Come Dancing: the dances
Alex and Johannes are dancing the cha cha cha
Alex got the dance position right this week by pretending she’s a turkey, complete with, erm, chicken noises. Unfortunately, she forgot quite a few steps and made mistakes, and it looked like they weren’t dancing the same dance. I feel so sorry for her because she knows how badly she fucked it. But I still loved it! They score just 23, but with last week’s scores, that’s 58.
George and Alexis dancing the quickstep
They have a Thanksgiving dinner, cos Alexis is American y’see, anyway it’s some gushy bullshit that the Strictly fans will eat up. It was alright, but his dances are still very simple and the judges haven’t called that out like they would other pro dancers. It felt very by the numbers, and there were also mistakes, which the judges barely picked up on. They score 34 and are, of course, overmarked. With last week’s scores, that’s 73.
Lewis and Katya dancing the rumba
God, this is a boring double bill. They turn the Hartlepool Christmas lights on, and Lewis compares himself to a sexy chicken because, apparently, there’s something about birds this week. Despite being boring af, it is unfortunately, very good though. They get loads of praise and a “Rumba is hard for men” klaxon! They score 36, and with last week’s, they’re on 76.
Balvinder and Julian dancing the jive
Bal learnt the jive with “kick your bum and point your feet”. In what is apparently a running theme this week, Bal goes quite wrong, too. It was a good dance, but it was full of mistakes. Bal says “it’s alright I’ll come back and do it again in the dance off” and I am dead because that’s definitely going to be true. Julian has also got his chest out and is wearing very short shorts, so that deserves some extra points. They score 28, but with last week’s marks, that’s 61.
Karen and Carlos dancing their couple’s choice
Karen talks about how hard she’s worked to normalise women’s football, and it makes me cry. She also talks about the hate she’s had online as a female pundit, which is fucking awful. The dance is course powerful and the first really great dance of the night. The pros upstairs absolutely scream their tits off. Anton says the Strictly couple’s choice is “supposed to be a celebration of you” and NO IT’S NOT. Carlos cries upstairs, and Claudia lets him wipe his nose on her suit. They score 40, and it’s deserved. Put with last week’s score’s they’re on 79.
Amber and Nikita dancing the jive
They’re dancing to Proud Mary so it’s a fucking riot of a time. It’s a really great dance, but of course it is. Anton’s only written note was “I LOVE ENERGY” which is probably as coherent as my column the week all the male pros had their tits out. Nikita talks about how much Amber has grown, which hasn’t really happened, has it? They score 40, and Nikita is too stunned to speak. With last week’s score that puts them on 76.
The ‘Instant Dance’ is a chaotic riot
This year’s Strictly sees brand new batshit challenge, Instant Dance. The pairs basically get given a dance style and song, and then on the spot, they have to choose costumes. They’ll have just 10 seconds to make a plan and then take to the floor for just 40 seconds. It sounds by all accounts like it’ll be fucking mayhem, and the show doesn’t disappoint on that front.
Before they dance they find out the dance, song choice, and speed pick their outfits. that last part is with, apparently, help from Claudia for the celebs
Alex and Johannes reveal they’ve got the rumba and are dancing to Show Me Heaven. Alex thinks she knows it, which is always good. Claudia appears to be helping, but really, she’s just a distraction at the clothing rails.
George and Alexis get the tango to When Doves Fly, which George doesn’t know cos he’s about 12. Claudia influences him to choose the sparkliest outfit possible and a massive red coat.
Lewis and Katya get the jive to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Claudia once again makes him pick the sparkliest thing possible
Balvinder and Julian get the paso doble and they’re thrilled. They’re dancing to Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood. Claudia gives her about 10 items of clothing
Karen and Carlos get the cha cha to Beggin‘. Claudia gives her three dresses that are all very different
Amber and Nikita get the samba to wherever, whenever, which is a redemption arc for Nikita. She manages to pick two dresses, and Claudia runs off with them. Backstage, Nikita is wearing the fluffiest pink pants ever and takes the piss, causing Claudia to say she’s never speaking to him again.
This is absolute Strictly chaos, and they haven’t even danced yet. They don’t even know where they’re supposed to be on the stairs. The judges have all swapped seats, but Motsi and Shirley forgot to move their booster cushions. Claudia comes back to the floor wearing a hat of fruit.
All of this for a maximum of six points is absolutely unreal. Alex and Jojo dance the most wooden rumba ever that it’s comical. George and Alexis laugh their faces off throughout their tango, ending with him almost dropping her. Lewis and Katya actually take this seriously, and it’s fucking good, though they may’ve cheated on the stairs. Julia does a massive knee slide and nearly beheads Balvinder at the end. Karen and Carlos spin and slide all over the shop. Amber and Nikita start in a lift, and it’s a chaos of shimmery fabric with him ending up on top of her.
That was genuinely the best part of the night. In 6th and getting one point are Karen and Carlos, following them is George and Alexis, and it’s fucking hilarious that he lost the TikTok challenge. 4th is Alex and Johannes, 3rd is Amber and Nikita, Bal and Julian get the much-deserved 2nd spot. In the top spot are Lewis and Katya.
The scores are updated to reflect that batshittery with the winner getting 6 points and it going down til the loser gets one. Top of the leaderboard to nobody’s surprise are Lewis and Katya, but Karen and Carlos and Amber Nikita aren’t far behind in joint second. The other half of the leaderboard sees George middle of the back with Balvinder and Julian and then Alex and Johannes at the bottom.
But it’s still anyone’s game with the dance off coming and Shirley having the deciding vote.
The Strictly results show
We’re within sniffing distance of the Strictly musicals special quarter finals, but unlike last week someone must go home tonight.
There’s a very sexy, moody, autumnal pro routine that’s been choreographed by Oti Mabuse, for some reason. What I am enjoying this series though, is that every pro routine has a same sex couple in it. Myles Smith performs a song I’ve genuinely only heard cos of TikTok and didn’t know was a real song tbh. The Karen and Kai come out in shirts and braces to dance to it, so I care again.
Highlights from the Clauditorium include Kaz Carney gets a message from some of the Lionnesses, and she sobs her face off. Then she ruins Carlos’ day by mentioning they beat China 8-nil. Amber, who works in musicals, calls herself a “musicals geek”. Lewis also acts like he’s never been in a musical. George reveals he hates musicals, which makes me hate him even more.
In the dance off are Balvinder and Julian, and Alex and Johannes. This is a tough one to watch because it wasn’t either of their best nights, but they’ve both tried so fucking hard. This is Balvinder’s fifth time in the dance off, which whiffs more than a little bit of misogyny and racism. For Alex, it was just a really shit night.
Unfortunately, it’s Alex and Johannes who go home. This is such a shame because you can really see how much she not only loves this show but also how hard she’s worked to get to the level she was at. If one bad night can send someone home George should’ve been out fucking weeks ago.
Featured image via the Canary
This post was originally published on Canary.