{"id":104197,"date":"2021-04-02T08:48:18","date_gmt":"2021-04-02T08:48:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.radiofree.org\/?p=181847"},"modified":"2021-04-02T08:48:18","modified_gmt":"2021-04-02T08:48:18","slug":"why-bidens-choice-to-bomb-outer-space-is-so-damn-exciting-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/2021\/04\/02\/why-bidens-choice-to-bomb-outer-space-is-so-damn-exciting-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Biden\u2019s Choice to Bomb Outer Space Is So Damn Exciting"},"content":{"rendered":"
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President Biden has announced he will be continuing to build Donald Trump\u2019s Space Force<\/a> \u2014 an idea Trump probably dreamed up while high on some bizarre pills his special \u201cdoctor\u201d gave him and had left the rubber cement jar open on his desk. The Space Force is the new branch of our military designed to conquer and kill things in outer space. That might not be word-for-word from their mission statement, but I\u2019d wager it\u2019s close. Pretty sure their jackets say, \u201cLet\u2019s kill some shit in space.\u201d And, let\u2019s face it \u2014 we don\u2019t know what\u2019s in outer space. But whatever it is, we know it needs to be killed.<\/p>\n

Before you ask \u2014 Yes, Space Force is exactly what humanity desperately needs right now. Having spent millions of years killing and conquering and torturing each other here on the terra firma, I think we\u2019re all feeling kinda claustrophobic and bored. I think we all want to get out into the wide open infinite territory of the great and awesome cosmos and murder our fellow humans there,<\/em> for a change. (If anyone\u2019s wondering, the answer to the Fermi Paradox<\/a> \u2014 Where are all the aliens? \u2014 is that all intelligent civilizations eventually develop the technology to kill themselves at the push of a button. Eventually someone, well, pushes the button. \u2026 His name is usually Tony.)<\/p>\n

Space Force is also just the thing Americans need right now because our infrastructure is collapsing, our environment is struggling, our political system is only a half goose-step away from fascism, and our spiritual health is blinking red \u201cALERT.\u201d Most of us can\u2019t figure out a purpose for life other than just cleaning out the industrial pork-smasher in the back of Taco Bell. So considering how well things are going in this\u2014the number one<\/em> country on the planet\u2014it\u2019s time to expand to greener pastures (which are mostly pitch black). It\u2019s time to expand into the Milky Way in order to grow our parasitic, deadly socioeconomic system. (I\u2019m pretty sure MLK Jr. said something similar, not in a speech but in a diner in Tennessee.)<\/p>\n

And think about it \u2014 ever since the maiden rocket escaped Earth\u2019s atmosphere and explored space for the first time, most of the discussion, thought, preparation, and planning we\u2019ve done has been\u2026 well\u2026 positive and cooperative. It\u2019s almost exclusively been about discovery and exploration and science and knowledge. You know\u2014all that wussy shit. We have not spent enough time really<\/em> looking into how we can kill a lot of people from space. I mean, sure, our Pentagon has always had a few blueprints lying around that say, \u201cMaybe we could shoot Russians with moon lasers,\u201d but for the most part, we\u2019ve had cooperation at the International Space Station, and we\u2019ve celebrated space exploration as human beings rather than just stewing in fury that the Chinese achieved something or the Russians did something. We shared vodka up on the International Space Station for fuck\u2019s sake! Enough of this \u201cKumbaya let\u2019s all live together in harmony\u201d horseshit! I agree with Joe Biden \u2014 it\u2019s high time we got into the killing mood<\/em>.<\/p>\n

We need more guns and bombs, and nuclear shit (strapped to robots, of course). That\u2019s the only<\/em> way we\u2019ll achieve peace.<\/p>\n

The nuclear weapons we have here on Earth would only allow for the full destruction of humanity a few hundred times over. A study found that<\/a> if 100 nuclear weapons were used, the environmental destruction to the planet would be immense \u2014 wiping out most life, obviously including the countries who SHOT the weapons. All it would take is  100 nuclear bombs to truly ruin everything humans have ever known.<\/p>\n

Yet, humanity now owns roughly 13,000<\/a> nukes (as the kids call them) \u2014 most of those are in the U.S. and Russia.<\/p>\n

I say \u201croughly 13,000\u201d because who knows where EVERY nuclear bomb is. There\u2019s probably a couple in some guy\u2019s shed that he got from a yard sale outback a Waffle House in Quantico, VA. I mean, you can\u2019t expect us to keep track of every single one<\/em>. That requires paperwork and data entry. Who has the time?<\/p>\n

Point being, we easily have enough nuclear bombs to kill humanity 150 times over, and Joe Biden\u2019s actions make it clear that we need more<\/em>. What if we wipe out life on earth 150 times, and then want to keep going, huh? What then? You never know what mood we\u2019ll be in at that point. I bet after watching several billion humans perish, you might be in a bit of a funk. And you might want a cigarette, a shot of strong whiskey, and to fire some nuclear fucking weapons! And maybe, just maybe, you want to fire them from space. And yet, if we don\u2019t keep the Space Force going, you won\u2019t be able to do that. And then<\/em> how bummed will you be?!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time for humanity to find bold new areas of the galaxy wherein to murder each other. For all we know, when you shoot someone on Venus their body explodes into a thousand shards of frozen blood and flesh (which sounds awesome<\/em>), but we haven\u2019t tried it yet because we\u2019ve been too stingy to devote the resources to getting it done. Now is the time for that scientific endeavor.<\/p>\n

I have an idea. Maybe once we funnel even more funds into our new Space Force, we can bomb climate change into submission. Has anyone thought of that? It\u2019s worth a try. You know what they say, \u201cWhen your only tool is a hammer\u2026 every problem can totally be bombed!\u201d<\/p>\n

Point being, I want to say thank you, President Biden. Thank you for pushing us ever closer to extinction \u2014 in a unique and interesting way, you belligerent, warhawk, senile old bag of wrinkles.<\/p>\n

Our government spends trillions upon trillions of dollars on various wars and war zones \u2014 recently adding outer space to the list \u2014 and meanwhile regular people, here on the ground, continue to suffer immensely.<\/p>\n

One in three Americans<\/a> had trouble paying their bills last year \u2014 but we\u2019re sending guns to outer space.<\/p>\n

Tens of millions have lost their employer-based health care coverage<\/a> since the pandemic began\u2014but we\u2019re sending guns to outer space.<\/p>\n

We can\u2019t get vaccines and treatments to people who desperately need them<\/a> during a pandemic\u2014but we can get guns to outer space! \u2026And at the end of the day, isn\u2019t that all that matters?<\/p>\n\n

This post was originally published on Radio Free<\/a>. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

President Biden has announced he will be\u00a0continuing to build Donald Trump\u2019s Space Force\u00a0\u2014 an idea Trump probably dreamed up while high on some bizarre pills his special \u201cdoctor\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":291,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104197"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/291"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=104197"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104197\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":104198,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104197\/revisions\/104198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=104197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=104197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=104197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}