{"id":53092,"date":"2021-02-25T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-02-25T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thecreativeindependent.com\/people\/musician-sarah-beth-tomberlin-on-the-joy-that-comes-from-making-work-you-believe-in"},"modified":"2021-02-25T08:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-02-25T08:00:00","slug":"musician-sarah-beth-tomberlin-on-the-joy-that-comes-from-making-work-you-believe-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/2021\/02\/25\/musician-sarah-beth-tomberlin-on-the-joy-that-comes-from-making-work-you-believe-in\/","title":{"rendered":"Musician Sarah Beth Tomberlin on the joy that comes from making work you believe in"},"content":{"rendered":"

You have collaborators, but you\u2019re writing the music, and Tomberlin is your project. How do you maintain a schedule and continue to make work if you don\u2019t have a regular bandmate checking in to make sure you\u2019re doing things?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s a question that I ask myself a lot. The thing is, when I started making music, I wasn\u2019t thinking about what would happen with it, or where it would go. I just wasn\u2019t prepared.<\/span> With [my first album], At Weddings<\/em>, everything happened differently than I feel like it happens for a lot of people, the order of things, so it wasn\u2019t even like I thought, \u201cI\u2019m a songwriter.\u201d I was just trying to write my best songs, and then I realized, \u201cOh, this is a collection of songs that I could maybe do something with.\u201d Now that it\u2019s my job, it is interesting to try to find a consistent way to set aside time to tap into that situation. I was writing before as a form of respite, and it\u2019s still that way. But it\u2019s also naturally shifted in the way I need to be working towards this.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Recently, COVID-safe style, I have been meeting up with my friend, John, once a week in LA and just playing music together.<\/span> I\u2019ll share new songs that I\u2019m working on. He shares new songs he\u2019s working on, and then we\u2019ve been jamming, which is literally my first time ever doing that. I didn\u2019t grow up in a music scene of any sort or have friends that played music. I was homeschooled, so all my friends were from church or homeschool co-op.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s been a huge thing for both of us. He\u2019s in a band, but he was just like, \u201cThere are some months where I just don\u2019t pick up my guitar, and I don\u2019t like that. But it\u2019s just hard to set aside that time.\u201d So we had the idea to start meeting and doing this. There are no expectations; we meet up and talk about our week and what we\u2019ve been processing and thinking about and what\u2019s going on internally in our inner world and externally and then share music together. During the week, we email back and forth different ideas or voice demos. It\u2019s encouraging because there are no expectations. It\u2019s been nourishing for me to be inspired to keep at it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

But, it\u2019s a new thing for me. How I would answer your question has changed now that I have more time [due to Covid]. Before, I was on tour all the time, and I didn\u2019t have consistent time to write. Last year, I think the longest time I had off between tours was three weeks. It was anxiety-inducing because I was like, \u201cI really need to follow this idea through now, because I don\u2019t know when I\u2019ll have time again to do it.\u201d During the second week of John and I doing it, I got teary, and I was like, \u201cDude, I\u2019ve never had this before.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

When you didn\u2019t know other people in bands, how did you start making songs? Was it through singing in church, and then moving into, \u201cI\u2019m going to adapt this into my own work\u201d?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yes and no. Definitely, yes, to the church influence, because there was never not a time that we didn\u2019t go to church. I grew up singing. My sisters sang. My mom sings. All the home videos of me, I was mostly walking around singing and making up songs, so it was not shocking to anyone that I made music.<\/span> I really enjoyed creative writing and writing stories and poems. That was always something I was interested in, but I never saw it as something I could do because I did think I needed a scene. I would help \u201clead worship\u201d in church, I sang in choir, and I did all-state youth choir for two summers, but it was just a part of my life and I didn\u2019t see it as a practice or a job. It was just something that I enjoyed and loved.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

I started trying to write songs on guitar when I was 11 or 12 because I got a guitar for Christmas. It was yellow, and the middle cutout was a heart. I remember being slightly annoyed at my parents because I thought that they were trying to feminize me and they knew that that was not the situation. I was a tomboy back in the day when being a girl who liked to wear boys clothes and run around outside all day meant you were a tomboy? Anyway, they also got me an Easy Chords for Beginner book, but I didn\u2019t understand how to read it.<\/span> I probably wasn\u2019t patient enough.<\/p>\n\n

They didn\u2019t really have money for lessons. Honestly, I also felt like they knew that I wasn\u2019t going to use the guitar playing for Jesus, and they were like, \u201cOkay, we gave you piano lessons for a little bit when you were younger, and you just played by ear.\u201d Those weren\u2019t really beneficial to me because I just would play what I heard.<\/span> When I started actually playing was probably 17, like actually attempting and just giving up on learning chords and just playing what felt right.<\/p>\n\n

How do you think learning on your own affected the music you make? With that solitary beginning in mind, I can see why the \u201cjamming\u201d\u2019s felt so important. Do you think a more collaborative beginning would have shifted the way you make music? Like, maybe you developed more personal style by having to figure out on your own without having a clear path ahead of you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yeah. I think a big part of it is just the camaraderie and encouragement, and not abandoning something because you\u2019re the only one reflecting back to yourself your ideas.<\/span> So, if something\u2019s difficult or doesn\u2019t click maybe right away, it\u2019s easy to abandon that idea or thought. With another person, and the trust there, you keep going. But, it\u2019s not that way with everybody. This is a special situation. I\u2019m pretty shy when it comes to this sort of thing.<\/p>\n\n

Encouragement is a big factor. I can talk down to myself by myself and get away with it because I\u2019m the only one there, but in front of a person, they\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, come on. You got that.\u201d Or, \u201cYou know what you want.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s the same with producing, the idea of being a producer. Or, it\u2019s like, even if I can\u2019t play all of these instruments, I know what I want that part to be like. With the EP, there were some bass lines that Sam was playing, and I was like, \u201cThat\u2019s cool, but what about this.\u201d And I would just sing it, and then he played it. I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s perfect.\u201d You know? That\u2019s me producing.<\/p>\n\n

Meeting artists that encourage my own intuition has been really helpful<\/span>, where it\u2019s not just like, \u201cOh, well. I can do it for you.\u201d Or, \u201cI hear this.\u201d It\u2019s more, \u201cI also hear this.\u201d Other ideas flow out of sharing stuff, too. It\u2019s been helpful making it low pressure. John and I, neither of us are like, \u201cThis is my idea,\u201d or \u201cYou have to keep this idea.\u201d We\u2019re just literally playing songs for each other in this living room and then talking it out, like what it brings up.<\/p>\n\n

Does it feel collaborative or does it feel more about the support, to keep things going?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I\u2019m very careful about who I want to be around, in work and my personal time. I\u2019m down to make music with anybody and share things, because my process has been so insular, it is a very sacred thing to me to open up that space and invite someone into it. So I just always am careful to make sure we\u2019re on the same page concerning boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Even with John, it\u2019s just like we talk about boundaries, struggles, and fears that we have. So then there\u2019s no weirdness in the space. And no fear of not being able to say something. We meet once a week, and then we talk about that. We\u2019re just like, \u201cHow was your week?\u201d And then, \u201cHow did you feel about last week? Are there any fears or anxieties?\u201d It wasn\u2019t like, \u201cWe must go through things before we start each week.\u201d It just is flowing organically and also building our friendship, too. I think a creative life is just you building a life that is nourishing to you and then out flows the work. That\u2019s what I\u2019m striving for.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Do you imagine this continuing when quarantine ends and touring starts again?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I definitely want to maintain something in this form, but also know that with touring it\u2019ll be more difficult. This pause has been useful for many reasons. When I started touring I was just like, \u201cOkay, now I must do the job and show people that I\u2019m committed and tour until I\u2019m dead.\u201d That kind of thing. While that\u2019s okay, and I really enjoy touring, it\u2019s also a double-edge sword. You\u2019re not able to put roots down in your community. You\u2019re not able to be a part of your community in a consistent way.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s where stuff gets messy. You\u2019re not able to be accountable to your community. And social media gets weird because you\u2019re really posting just to promote shows. You\u2019re also posting to be like, \u201cCommunity, I\u2019ll be back. Remember that I exist and am here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

But yeah, meeting up and having time to play lifts so much doom and gloom vibes from me; to just have the time to have maintenance check basically, to look at my life, and where I\u2019m living and to surround myself with people that offer a nourishing, reciprocal friendship. To do my part in tending to myself and my community.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s different than meeting people in green rooms and hanging out. It\u2019s different having someone in your city, and part of your community, where I\u2019m like, \u201cI just get to come over to your house and we get to talk and play music.\u201d That\u2019s such a gift.<\/p>\n\n

When touring does happen again, do you want to change the way you do it?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Definitely. I mean, I would love to make a living off of this for the rest of my life, but I don\u2019t think that I have to just do music. I\u2019m not like, \u201cI\u2019m just an artist and I can\u2019t work a coffee job or a food industry job.\u201d It\u2019s just like, whatever way that it\u2019s sustainable for me as a human being, one that\u2019s ever changing and adapting and growing and learning about myself<\/span> and what I can handle and what space I need to have that channel open to make songs that I\u2019m proud of that I feel like are better than the last batch.<\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s really not about how popular I become or how much money I can acquire doing it.<\/span> I see people that have that, and they\u2019re completely miserable. Everybody knows that trope like, \u201cWell, you could have everything in the world and still be so sad.\u201d It\u2019s true, and I truly just want to build a life where I\u2019m learning and being able to be accountable to my community and being able to invest in my community.<\/span> I think that that looks a lot different than the touring I did last year, where the only months I didn\u2019t tour were July and December, and I moved in July. And in December I recorded an EP. I don\u2019t think that that\u2019s sustainable.<\/p>\n\n

Of course, it doesn\u2019t happen like that all the time. You tour when you have something to promote, but I definitely think, especially when we\u2019re thinking about climate change and how flying and driving across the country in a van is not ecologically sustainable. So it\u2019s like, yes, you do have to make money and yes, you do have to find ways to do that. I don\u2019t know all of the answers, but it has made me pause and think, \u201cOkay, now that you have a moment to realize that you are contributing to this system and you understand more that there are things that are not sustainable about this, and dangerous even, what are you going to use this time that you\u2019ve been given to reflect on?\u201d Instead of just being like, \u201cWell, this is just the way it is and it fucking sucks, and I\u2019m going to complain about it constantly.\u201d It\u2019s like, what are creative ideas of how to make this sustainable?<\/span><\/p>\n\n

I think about people like Joanna Newsom or Liz Harris<\/a>, people who don\u2019t tour constantly. They\u2019re just like, \u201cThis is when I tour and this is when it\u2019s going to be. Sorry if you can\u2019t make it.\u201d I truly respect that. They\u2019re at different places than I am in their careers, but I feel like they basically set a boundary, and people will be like, \u201cI respect that,\u201d or they won\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n

To go back to what you were saying about day jobs: They can be a very useful thing that frees you up to make the right decisions for your creative project, so you\u2019re not so dependent on that one guarantee that if forces you to make do things you don\u2019t want to do.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yeah, it puts a whole skewed vision of what you\u2019re actually doing. I wrote the majority of At Weddings<\/em> when I was working 40 to 45 hours a week at a Verizon store doing sales and going to community college 15 hours a week. I had no life. Literally, I worked every day or went to school. I wrote the record during that time, and that was because it was my thing. It was the thing that was respite for me and something that was for me. I wasn\u2019t intending for people to hear it.<\/span> I was just working at something that I loved and was passionate about.<\/p>\n\n

Some people just truly love music. I was living in rural southern Illinois and driving two hours to St. Louis to see a show and two hours back and not feeling any way about it other than complete bliss and joy.<\/span> So happy to do that, so thankful to have a car to get me there. I would make a day out of it, go to my coffee shop, go to Vintage Vinyl, go to get a taco, go to the show\u2026 I was completely blissed-out by that. Sure, I might think, \u201cOh, I wish I could go to shows nearby,\u201d but I didn\u2019t even see it a, \u201cOh fuck, I have to drive to St. Louis.\u201d It was just passion. This will sound very mystical, but: I think that if you\u2019re passionate about something and you\u2019re open, the world opens up to you when you\u2019re genuinely just trying to connect to the thing that moves you and the thing that puts fire underneath you to live life. It finds you when you\u2019re open to it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Do you still find respite in making music? Now that people are paying attention, have you been able to locate that same feeling you had as when nobody was listening?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I don\u2019t find it difficult thinking about people hearing it until after it\u2019s written, and then I\u2019m like, \u201cIs that too much?\u201d A lot of the reason I don\u2019t want to write all the time or why I put it off is because I know that it takes a hefty amount of emotional energy out of me. It is truly like slicing open something inside of you and just letting it flow.<\/span> I read an interview with Tori Amos<\/a>, who I adore, and the interviewer was asking, \u201cHow do you write songs?\u201d And she was like, \u201cWell, it\u2019s just an open channel. It\u2019s a channel, like the spirit.\u201d Like, \u201cI open myself up to it and it comes and then the song is written.\u201d That\u2019s true. I never knew how to put words to that feeling, but that\u2019s definitely how I write songs.<\/p>\n\n

Most of my songs, I would say 90% of my songs, are written in one sitting. That doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s like \u201cdo, do, do, do do\u2026\u201d It\u2019s one day of several hours chipping away at it or something. But a lot of the time why I\u2019m putting that off is because it literally takes the life out of me. I know that I\u2019m going to be rendered useless the rest of the day.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s different than just playing a guitar melody or something that you like and listening to it over and over again. That feels more like playing around. Sometimes that works, but a lot of the time it\u2019s just been being open and the thing comes. I have no idea what is happening. I\u2019m just more afraid of that because it\u2019s really powerful. I\u2019m not even thinking about people yet. After it\u2019s written, then I\u2019m like, \u201cOh fuck, people are going to hear this and perceive this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

I do think I had an onset of writer\u2019s block directly after the record was \u201cwell received\u201d because I had no expectations for it, and it blew up in a really strange way to me. I just wasn\u2019t expecting anything. So, yeah, I think I was just more afraid of \u201cOh, now I have to do this again,\u201d than being like, \u201cOh, people will hear this.\u201d Now it\u2019s just moved to a thing where I\u2019m like, \u201cI should be working at this more than I am.\u201d Discovering my struggles and adjusting and growing in my practice.<\/p>\n\n

Eileen Myles<\/a> has said that poetry will come to them at random times, so they have to always be aware of that moment and be ready to take note of it. It could happen while watching TV, walking your dog, whatever.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yeah, definitely. Sometimes you\u2019re hanging out with someone or it\u2019s not a place where you can pause. I do write a lot in my phone notes. That\u2019s always where I\u2019ve written lyrics and ideas, and I would write in class. \u201cAny Other Way\u201d<\/a> was one of the songs where something struck me, a line, and then I just started writing and the rest came. I had no idea what was happening. It was like we were in class watching a biology documentary, and I was in this other place. \u201cYou Are Here\u201d<\/a> was written after a day at a hotel with my parents; I saw the You Are Here fire escape plan<\/a>, and then wrote \u201cYou Are Here\u201d in the car.<\/p>\n\n

How do you know when a song\u2019s finished?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I like playing new songs live to see how it feels and see if as I\u2019m playing and connecting to it if I feel the feeling. Because I\u2019m sharing it, and I know that people are hearing it. But I\u2019m not really focusing on that. I\u2019m focusing on: Even though I\u2019m in front of a bunch of strangers who maybe don\u2019t want to hear this, do I feel connected to it in this space where there\u2019s a chaotic energy going on?<\/span><\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s a way that I figure that out sometimes, but obviously that\u2019s not really happening anymore. So something that I\u2019ve tried to do is just I\u2019ll play something a bunch, and then I\u2019ll record it. And then I\u2019ll play it again, and then I\u2019ll record it because I know that it\u2019ll shift. Maybe something else will come up. Then I pause. I take a break. I don\u2019t listen to it. Maybe I listen to it in a few days, and then I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, I hear it differently. I could be saying this thing more clearly,\u201d or another idea springs up for something that just feels like it serves the song better.<\/p>\n\n

I don\u2019t really ever know when a song is finished.<\/span> I think I decide it\u2019s finished when I\u2019m recording it and I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, now it\u2019s finished because yeah, we\u2019re recording it and this is the thing.\u201d But I don\u2019t feel greedy about being like, \u201cThis is a finished song.\u201d I feel like I can change it if I want to. Even if I\u2019m playing it, it\u2019s like I don\u2019t connect to a word or a phrasing, I can change it.<\/p>\n\n

I hadn\u2019t played any shows when Saddle Creek signed me. I had to learn all of that quickly. It\u2019s different than it was singing in church. You\u2019re singing your own songs. The way that I got past it was just like, \u201cI\u2019m in my room singing to myself.\u201d I remember either what I was feeling when I wrote the song or I try to understand this song more than when I wrote it. Or I just lean into the fact that I get to share the song right then and hopefully it\u2019s helpful to someone.<\/p>\n\n

A song is finished when you connect to it and you don\u2019t feel like you\u2019re lying.<\/span> That\u2019s how I feel, but that changes as we change.<\/p>\n\n

Yeah, music is connected to a community. It\u2019s not something that lives in a vacuum. Now that we\u2019re separate from a community a lot of the time, I wonder if it feels different when you\u2019re writing music? You don\u2019t get to test it out in front of an audience, for one. I know that\u2019s part of your weekly collaboration\u2014finding a way to get feedback. I\u2019m curious, though, if quarantine keeps going, how do you keep going?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

One thing I\u2019m currently excited about is having time with myself and asking, \u201cWhat moves me? What am I interested in? What do I love? What do I not love? What makes me feel connected to myself and connected to the earth and connected to the people around me?\u201d That\u2019s a big part of being able to have space to collaborate with people. If I don\u2019t have that space with myself then there\u2019s not going to be anything to give from; there\u2019s not going to be a well of which to bring up and splash around. It\u2019s just going to be dry and gross, and no one\u2019s going to come out of that feeling good, because I\u2019m going to be looking for it in them, and if they don\u2019t reflect back to me what I\u2019m looking for within myself, it\u2019s going to be not good. I\u2019m going to feel anxious or frustrated or misunderstood.<\/p>\n\n

So a large portion of this is working on myself and having time to be with myself.<\/span> That looks like not distracting myself. That looks like maybe being upset and being like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m upset. What can I do to soothe myself, or what needs tending to?\u201d Or like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m feeling this immense amount of joy, but I don\u2019t need to vomit that really all over the place. I need to tend to that and reflect on what or why that is.\u201d A big portion of making music with other people is having time with yourself to feel out your own ideas.<\/span> Like, all of my demos forever have been iPhone voice demos. I used to get really excited and send a song to someone right away. Then they\u2019d say something that I was not ready to hear. It wouldn\u2019t be like, \u201cThis sucks.\u201d It would just be something, and I hadn\u2019t spent time with the song yet, and I decided to invite someone else into perceiving it. I was not prepared for that to happen, actually, even if it was good.<\/p>\n\n

That\u2019s time. That\u2019s time and space and solitude. That\u2019s what we\u2019re learning now. There are dark, dark spots and dark days, but to have to sit with that and not be able to distract yourself and be like, \u201cOkay. Well, what is this?\u201d And to discover it and investigate it and be thankful to have the time to do that instead of just swallowing the feeling and moving past it and thinking that that\u2019s strength like, \u201cBye, see you.\u201d Strength is actually seeing the thing and facing it and considering, \u201cOkay. Well, let\u2019s tend to this and work on this.\u201d And not just asking other people to sweep it up with you when you haven\u2019t even grabbed the broom yourself yet.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

\n\n

Sarah Beth Tomberlin Recommends:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Several helpful things\u2026<\/p>\n\n

good wireless headphones (not earbuds-headphones)
<\/p>\n\n

writing letters with far away friends
<\/p>\n\n

trusty bedside companions: a tarot deck, a candle, a glass of water, a journal, and at least one book, but here are three right now in my current rotation (non fiction: the body keeps the score<\/i> by dr. bessel van der kolk , fiction: the overstory<\/i> by richard powers, poetry: life on mars<\/i> by tracy k smith)
<\/p>\n\n

south of france french milled bar soap gardenia scent \u2014 the best
<\/p>\n\n

a criterion channel subscription
<\/p>\n\n

spending time by or in a body of water whenever possible
<\/p>\n\n

jumping jacks for nervousness and anxiety
<\/p>\n\n

extremely hot baths
<\/p>\n\n

daily walks
<\/p>\n\n

writing lists
<\/p>\n\n

keeping your phone in another room while you sleep
<\/p>\n\n

veggie dumplings
<\/p>\n\n

practicing patience
<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

This post was originally published on The Creative Independent<\/a>. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You have collaborators, but you\u2019re writing the music, and Tomberlin is your project. How do you maintain a schedule and continue to make work if you don\u2019t have a regular bandmate checking in to make sure you\u2019re doing things?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":324,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[346],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53092"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/324"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53092"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53092\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":53093,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53092\/revisions\/53093"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}