{"id":758944,"date":"2022-07-25T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-25T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thecreativeindependent.com\/people\/actor-writer-and-DJ-sasha-grey-on-being-true-to-yourself-in-the-work-you-do"},"modified":"2022-07-25T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2022-07-25T07:00:00","slug":"actor-writer-and-dj-sasha-grey-on-being-true-to-yourself-in-the-work-you-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/2022\/07\/25\/actor-writer-and-dj-sasha-grey-on-being-true-to-yourself-in-the-work-you-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Actor, writer, and DJ Sasha Grey on being true to yourself in the work you do"},"content":{"rendered":"

When did you decide that you wanted to write? Did you always write, or did you just sit down one day and think, \u201cI\u2019m going to start and finish a book, and then I\u2019m going to do it two more times?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Writing is probably my first love. If I could do nothing else and survive, it would be that or photography<\/span>, if I could actually make a choice. I\u2019ve been writing since I was a kid, and it\u2019s the first thing that interested me that wasn\u2019t influenced by my older siblings, or by my friends, or even by my teachers. It was just something I naturally gravitated towards. It is something I\u2019ve always loved to do.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

How did you teach yourself about writing, did you take any classes?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Throughout all my collaborations, I\u2019ve worked with my friend and mentor Anthony D\u2019Juan<\/a>. He has been my rock, my pillar. Every screenplay I\u2019ve worked on, we\u2019ve worked on together. And actually as a result of publishing my book, I was hired to write a screenplay, which was really cool. So, it all came full circle.<\/p>\n\n

How did you get started on your book series, The Juliette Society<\/i>?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

My goal, and what I was trying to do during that time period when I started the first book of The Juliette Society<\/i>, I was trying to sell scripts. I don\u2019t always like to talk about what I\u2019m doing as I\u2019m doing it, because I don\u2019t like getting people\u2019s hopes up. The world doesn\u2019t see all your failure.<\/span> Well, they see some people. Some people just like to share it all. I\u2019m not that way, and I\u2019ve learned that I\u2019m not wanting to be that way through experience. I\u2019ve had a lot of failures. I tried many different avenues.<\/span> Like: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to pitch this script, and I want to be involved from day one, and I want to be heavily involved in the process.\u201d I\u2019ve tried selling scripts just to sell them, and let them go, and live out on their own. I\u2019ve done everything in between in the independent film world.<\/p>\n\n

I had been speaking with an agent that I had. He\u2019d been pursuing me for several years, and he just said, \u201cI think if you write something now, and you pitch something now, that we can make this happen.\u201d So I started with the proposal first, and that\u2019s actually what allowed me to sell the rights to several different countries before the book was finished. That\u2019s very rare. I realize how lucky I was, but culturally, we were at this point where people were coming to me every day asking if I wrote 50 Shades of Grey<\/i>.<\/p>\n\n

I feel like you\u2019re probably so tired of that pun.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yes, absolutely. So it was, for me, also a way to say, \u201cOkay, if I can\u2019t sell a screenplay, or if I can\u2019t do this now, at least I can still write and do something that I love, and also tell a story that\u2019s for my generation\u2013hopefully, to inspire people, especially younger women, with something that is different and not the expected.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

This wasn\u2019t, obviously, a romance novel. I was very fortunate in that I was able to get paid and go write this thing.<\/span> That\u2019s something that\u2019s very rare, that doesn\u2019t happen every day. I loved it, because I was able to just focus on that and not have to chase a thousand different things at once, which I\u2019m so used to doing. Now we\u2019re in a whole different space culturally, and things have shifted and changed so much that I don\u2019t have that same luxury or benefit to be able to just go sit and write something, and make a living that way.<\/span> But I\u2019m also very fortunate for what I am able to do.<\/p>\n\n

I was reading The Juliette Society<\/i> and I can definitely tell you are inspired a lot by film, because there\u2019s a lot of references and it\u2019s this recurring theme. But I want to know about, firstly, what books you love the most\u2014what books you felt most inspired by?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

de Sade was a huge influence, but when you are setting a character, especially in contemporary times, that changes a lot. There\u2019s a book, Wetlands<\/i><\/a>, that I can\u2019t recommend enough to people. It\u2019s by a German author, Charlotte Roche. I think when I first read it, it was just so refreshing because it\u2019s a female author, and she has this way of being so grotesque, and you either appreciate that or you don\u2019t. For me, that was just something so new coming from a female writer. She has this great ability to take the weird thoughts we keep to ourselves and put it out there into the world through her characters.<\/p>\n\n

Angela Carter<\/a>\u2019s another one as well. I think she resonates with me because she was discussing eroticism, and what does eroticism mean? She said something along the lines like, \u201cEroticism is pornography for the elite,\u201d or, \u201cErotica is pornography for the elite.\u201d You could probably go all throughout America and throughout the world, and you\u2019re going to get a different definition from everybody. Those things become quite regional.<\/p>\n\n

It doesn\u2019t matter how true you are to your craft or to your art, whether you\u2019re a writer or whether you\u2019re a visual artist, things will be interpreted differently by different people. Things will be sold and marketed, whether it\u2019s by your publisher or your gallerist, in a specific way. We don\u2019t, as creators, always have control of that.<\/span> So as somebody who\u2019s existed the majority of my adult public life living in a defensive state, that resonated with me a lot.<\/p>\n\n

Because just of how people interpret it, and where they put you in that?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yeah, 100%, and just the general concept or disdain a lot of people have for porn when we label porn for what it is\u2014but they can justify enjoying other things. Even if they consume porn, the moment you bring it to the forefront or try to have discussions about it, people change. It feels some days that we\u2019re making progress, and other days we\u2019re regressing even more than we were 15 years ago.<\/p>\n\n

Any time we\u2019re discussing marginalized groups, or let\u2019s even say art or culture that is not mainstream, I feel that way.<\/span> It\u2019s so easy to talk about these things on the internet\u2014-within our circles, within our bubbles, whether it has to do with sex work, or being sexually empowered. Even leaving the sex work side out of it\u2014being a sexually empowered individual, whether it has to do with gay rights or queer rights, because I also consider myself a part of this marginalized group, or whether it has to do with economic disparities, or whether it has to do with racial disparities, or things like femicide. There\u2019s so many issues that we\u2019re able to talk about as groups now because of the ability to communicate and join forces. Which is all beautiful. But there\u2019s this other part of me where sometimes I get down because I have traveled, and I do travel, and you see that the world is a big place. It doesn\u2019t just exist on the internet.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

I always feel like I\u2019m on a tightrope when it comes to these things, where there\u2019s good days where everything feels balanced, and it feels like we\u2019re making progress, and then there are days where I\u2019m like shit, this is the reality<\/em>. Where do we go from here, and how can we make positive changes in the real world, not just online?<\/span><\/p>\n\n

How do you, as a person, who has this very public facing persona, make sure that you\u2019re still connected to you and that you don\u2019t get confused with being what people want versus being true to yourself?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

A lot of it is through experience. When I sit back and reflect on my life and my career, who I was, who I\u2019ve become, I wasn\u2019t a child actor, but I just turned 18. And so, I grew up and I\u2019ve become a woman in the public eye. And that\u2019s something very intense to reflect on and intense to also live and exist within this bizarre world that we live in, where it feels everything is 24\/7 happening and you have to share everything. I don\u2019t share anything that has to do with my personal life for the most part. I\u2019ve lived through real traumas that I just don\u2019t feel safe sharing everything with people.<\/span> Also, because I am so known, but I don\u2019t have the same luxuries of, let\u2019s say, somebody who is a mainstream celebrity, or a mainstream actor or musician. A lot of that has to do with economics of your personal safety. I don\u2019t have those same luxuries. I\u2019ve had to figure out ways to protect myself.<\/p>\n\n

These are very anecdotal, brief, examples of things that I think about and live with every day. There are people that really like fame. There are people that do what they do because they really truly enjoy fame. I\u2019m not that person.<\/span> I\u2019m obviously very selective with what I share. I try to set boundaries and expectations with my community on Twitch<\/a>. And that\u2019s a whole different experience because that\u2019s live, that\u2019s in real time and I have a para-social relationship with these people.<\/p>\n\n

Setting those expectations with my direct community and knowing that they have been so supportive is really huge. That helps me a lot.<\/span> I think, most importantly, just not oversharing. Having those two balances without exposing too much is good.<\/p>\n\n

Years ago now, I had this idea for an art piece that I wanted to do. But I\u2019m not a visual artist. I don\u2019t do installations, but I wanted to do this art piece that said, \u201cYour life is an ad.\u201d There would be a mirror. It was something for spectators to take selfies or photos of themselves in, because I so often open up any social media app, and it feels that way to me when I consume media. Sometimes it just feels so heavy.<\/p>\n\n

With everything that you do project wise, how do you dig deep when you\u2019re tired or burnt out?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

You know, 2020 was actually okay to me. As difficult as it was, being able to focus on the work was fine with me. It didn\u2019t hit me until the end of 2020 where I realized, \u201cOkay, this is really not getting better.\u201d I\u2019m very comfortable being alone. I get by just fine. But human beings are social animals and we need that. And I think it\u2019s very dangerous when we just lock ourselves inside. And some people have done that before the pandemic.<\/p>\n\n

2021 was really rough. I wasn\u2019t sleeping at all. I lost three people in my life. But somehow, I was taking all these really dark moments and somehow I was able to turn them into something positive.<\/span> In January, I was streaming five days a week. And then at the end of January, I said, \u201cYou guys, I\u2019m going to have to take this one day off and stream four days a week.\u201d Then on my other two days that were supposed to be off days, I wasn\u2019t taking them off. I\u2019m still chasing all these other things I want to do, but in a very unorganized way. I\u2019ve just found it very difficult to focus on things. I think that is the result of the burnout. Feeling very scattered, unsure of what to do, unable to delegate my time in the way that it needs to be delegated to have a healthy work life balance.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

My little mantra lately has been \u201ca little bit every day.\u201d I can read for 10 minutes on the bus in the morning. And maybe I can do something after work. But if I\u2019m just too tired, then I\u2019m just going to bed as soon as my kid\u2019s asleep.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yeah, a hundred percent. When I am alone with my thoughts, there\u2019s just a vicious circle. I tend to focus on all the negative. I think about, \u201cMan, I want to do all these things and I have all these different projects.\u201d Then I get overwhelmed with, \u201cWhere do I start?\u201d \u201cWhere can I go from here?\u201d \u201cWhat do I focus on?\u201d When I\u2019m working I\u2019m focused on the positive and that\u2019s a boost for my serotonin.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

As an \u201cA\u201d type of person I always have to have a project or I\u2019m mentally unwell. Do you ever get success envy? Say someone publishes a book, and you\u2019re just like, \u201cI wish I had that book deal.\u201d It\u2019s not even like you have a book you\u2019re writing. But you\u2019re the success junkie. One thing I\u2019ve really been trying to embody lately since I am not working on anything is, turn your jealousy or your bitterness into motivation. How do you deal with it?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I one hundred percent understand. When I published my first book, it was a success before it was even out, in a way. I was very aware at that time that wasn\u2019t normal. Sometimes I even have envy at that opportunity that I had, that is now, in my mind, pretty impossible. It\u2019s very difficult to find yourself in those situations.<\/span> When I have friendships or relationships, I take them seriously, but they\u2019re not always reciprocated. I\u2019ve been in a lot of situations where I\u2019ve been burned by other people. I\u2019ve seen people run with my ideas. But then I realize I\u2019m wasting my time worrying about other people, and that\u2019s not healthy. The more I\u2019m thinking about and worrying about other people, the less I\u2019m working on me. If I find myself doing that, I delete an app from my phone for a week. It needs to be deleted. Don\u2019t log in.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Another big challenge for me is I\u2019ve always been independent. I don\u2019t come from family money. I\u2019ve never depended on a partner. I\u2019ve always been economically independent. Sometimes that\u2019s really stressful. So I have to delineate my time into these chunks where I pursue something that is going to put food on my table and consider how do I also pursue this other thing that\u2019s going to be the grind and the hustle, but that I\u2019m very passionate about.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

That for me is probably one of my biggest struggles. I\u2019m actually going through it right now. How do I delegate my time in a healthy way and understand and accept that this other thing is going to take time, and it\u2019s not going to happen overnight?<\/span> But it\u2019s like you said, just chip away at it. Something that helps me: I don\u2019t always have a to-do list, but at the end of the day, I\u2019ll write down what I was able to accomplish. And when I do that, I feel way better about my day and about my week. And I realized, \u201cOkay, I was able to do all of this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n

How do you know when to fight for something you believe in versus picking your battles?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I usually make that decision when it has to do with my personal safety. I\u2019ll typically let go when I feel like I\u2019m in a physically vulnerable situation. When it comes to other situations where I don\u2019t feel that my safety is at risk, I\u2019m pretty vocal. Probably sometimes to a fault. I could have had some other opportunities or had things change if I shut up a little bit. I just can\u2019t be that way. Also, because in the past, I dealt with ageism so much. I would take advice from people against my instincts because they would convince me they had the experience, they knew better. So I also know there have been times where, had I followed my instinct in what I believed to be right, I would\u2019ve been in a different situation, in a different position. Through that experience, I probably fight more than I should. But I also sometimes feel like I have less to lose than other people.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Were you always unapologetically yourself or did you have to develop that over time?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

I would say I\u2019ve always been that way with my close circles. Outwardly in larger settings, way more reserved. Then as an adult, I feel like because of going into porn, that put me on an automatic defense. There\u2019s nobody. You\u2019re sort of fighting on your own. So absolutely, I was unapologetic and I still am.<\/span> This writer, I did an interview with said that when he wrote this article about me in 2016, he was getting calls and emails complaining because they put me on the cover of LA Weekly. I was getting calls and emails from self-professed feminists asking me why they put a whore on the cover of our magazine.<\/p>\n\n

This was me promoting a DJ tour that I was doing. I\u2019d already been out of the industry for eight years at that point. Knowing that that\u2019s the perspective of a lot of people, and also not asking for sympathy, that\u2019s part of my pride. I don\u2019t need anybody\u2019s sympathy.<\/span> Understanding, maybe, yes, I would like things to change, but definitely being unapologetic. It\u2019s a must for me. It\u2019s at the core of who I am.<\/p>\n\n

Do you ever feel tired of talking about it? Because I imagine it\u2019s the one thing that people come to you that they want to talk to you about all the time.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Yes. Also because like, look, I was in it from 18 to 21.<\/p>\n\n

Yeah. It\u2019s such a small part of your life and of everything that you do that I just imagine when people lightning rod to it, it just must be so exhausting.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

It\u2019s exhausting, and everybody, any great musician where it\u2019s like\u2013<\/p>\n\n

That one song.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

They hate having to play that one song. I feel that way sometimes because, well, because I was in it for such a short period, but also because, in many ways, I don\u2019t feel I have a fresh perspective to offer. I just don\u2019t exist in it anymore. I have a target on my back that other people don\u2019t have simply because of my choices. I understand that and I accept that. But I also know that I have to make a living and therefore, there are rules I have to conform to. I don\u2019t want to go on camera four days a week and talk about my past\u2014what is there to talk about? I don\u2019t want to live in the past. I want to live in the present.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

Every day, I\u2019ll have people say, \u201cOh, you DJ? You wrote a book? It\u2019s those algorithms that don\u2019t feed the other things that I\u2019m doing to these people. They only push a specific version of me.<\/span><\/p>\n\n

It can be really frustrating. It is such a big part of my identity and who I am. And I\u2019m proud of that. But again, I\u2019m not going to go back into porn. I\u2019m not going to start an OnlyFans. How do I convey these things in a way where I won\u2019t be punished for it? It\u2019s really frustrating to navigate, especially as an independent creator. That\u2019s why I still love photography, because I always felt very uplifted and supported in the arts. Everywhere I\u2019ve been able to speak or do an exhibition, I felt that support.<\/p>\n\n

\n\n

Sasha Grey Recommends:<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n

Wash your face and brush your teeth every night, no matter how sleepy you are.
<\/p>\n\n

Oyin Whipped Pudding<\/a>. My favorite lotion for a while now, smells perfect, you can use in your hair as well. It\u2019s perfectly moisturizing and doesn\u2019t just sit on top of your skin like some body butters.
<\/p>\n\n

Lindt dark chocolate 90%. Come to the dark side, I can\u2019t live without it.
<\/p>\n\n

Eckhart Tolle\u2019s The Power of Now<\/i><\/a>. You might have heard Kendrick Lamar sampling bits of this in his latest album and there\u2019s a reason why.
<\/p>\n\n

Clickup<\/a>. It\u2019s helping me organize my life, and as someone who finds it difficult to manage my time, it\u2019s helping me get better. I love that it has different layouts available for each person viewing the material, so you\u2019re not locked into one format.
<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

This post was originally published on The Creative Independent<\/a>. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When did you decide that you wanted to write? Did you always write, or did you just sit down one day and think, \u201cI\u2019m going to start and finish a book, and then I\u2019m going to do it two more times?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1359,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3172,1906,346,270],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758944"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1359"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=758944"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758944\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":758945,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/758944\/revisions\/758945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=758944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=758944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radiofree.asia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=758944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}